Remembrance of Near Perfection

On an afternoon of yet another solid start turned in by Zach Duke but squandered by his mates, I'd like to conjure some memories of the ultimate pitching performance wasted by futile offensive. 50 years ago (yesterday) journeyman Pirate lefty hurler Harvey Haddix turned in what is still regarded as the greatest game ever pitched, although he was tagged with the loss.

Working 12+ perfect innings and still getting stung with the loss is a cruel fate that not even our current hard luck tossers would get saddled with. Congratulations to Mr. Haddix for the amazing and memorable night, and kudos to MP for digging this gem up.

Meet Harvey Haddix; America's first "Biggest Loser"

Swept Away

The Big Black Machine, aka, the 2009 Pittsburgh Penguins, has just rolled over another speed bump en route to a return to the NHL Stanley Cup Finals by dispatching the clearly overmatched Hurricanes in four games. Despite the late drama in Game 1, the 'Canes just weren't in the same class as our Flightless Birds, who outscored the Tar Heels on Skates 17-7 over the final three games.

Kudos to the entire organization for resurrecting a team that most "experts" had written off as dead in mid-February. Now the boys in black and gold can rest the legs and await their opponent.

coming soon to a HDTV near your

Rennie Re-Visited

On a windy night in Chicago, Freddy Sanchez reminded the Wrigley Field faithful of a remarkably amazing offensive performance turned in by another Bucco second bagger 34 years prior. Sanchez stroked 6 hits in 6 at-bats last night, just a hit short of Rennie Stennett's legendary 7-7 outburst in Cubbieville back in 1975. This feat is quite fitting since, in my mind, Steady Freddy is the best offensive middle infielder the Bucs have employed since Stennett. (Johnny Ray fans be damned.)

Rennie's mint night is still safe

Cam Shafted

Did anyone get the license plate number on that turbo charged Zamboni that steamrolled Hurricanes Nation last night? I'll take a stab and say the plate read "87-71". Superheroes extraordinaire, Crosby and Malkin, continue to play as the NHL's most dominant duo since a couple of black and gold clad guys named Lemieux and Jagr, as the Pens demolish the 'Canes 6-2 in Carolina.

The talks of all-world goaltender, Cam Ward, rescuing his team from the black death are slowly fading away, as the Pens' offensive juggernaut has lit the lamp an amazing 13 times in the last two games. All said, the Penguins are now sprinting towards the conference finish line, winning seven out of their last eight games, with three of the last four being complete blowouts.

The Wonder Twins attempt to explain their super powers

Some Elite Company

I did a little research based on a stat I heard on Vs. the other night. Did you know that behind Gretzky and Lemieux, the next two highest playoff points-per-games averages (career) belong to Crosby and Malkin? The only asterisk is that the minimum games played is 35, thus eliminating former Bruin and Canuck, Barry Pederson.

Click on this link, and you'll see the all time leaders. Very impressive company for our young guns.

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two big reasons why the Pens continue to draw comparisons to the 80's Edmonton Oilers

Oh Goody, Here Comes Inter-League

As the birds chirp, the flowers bloom, and America prepares itself for another glorious Memorial Day weekend, and most likely a long, hot summer; our very own Battlin' Buccos prep themselves for their annual free fall that generally coincides with the beginning of inter-league play. For those that don't read in between the stats on the score cards, early June is generally when the Bucs slide from three or four games under .500 to about a dozen or so under in just a few dreadful weeks. It all starts with that first inter-league pitch.

The Pirates are clearly the worst MLB team when it comes to inter-league play, with a career winning percentage under .380! As history bodes for the Bucs, any promising season in which the team exits spring hovering just under .500 gets wiped away by the club getting clobbered over the next few weeks. When late June breaks, and the team is 10 or 12 games under, the "fuck it" attitude has already hit the spectators, and the front office scours the clubhouse for any resemblance of a tradeable veteran. By the 4th of July, the team is usually at least 15 games under, and we're all just counting down days until Latrobe opens.

Last night's squandering of another masterful Zach Duke outing was as appropriate of an inter-league opener as it gets for the Buccos. Getting blanked on two lousy hits by a misfit with an ERA over 7, simply unacceptable. Let's hope I'm wrong, but if history serves true, our Battlins' should be on the brink of sub .400 ball within the next week.

Memorial Performance

So, kudos to MP for playing a little Nostradamus and correctly predicting that Chris Kunitz would light the lamp last night. The only scoring slump longer than Kunitz's is my own (with the ladies), but I'm certain that MP's crystal ball has no insight in that...

Anyway, what a night for the home team. Our boys in black rolled the offense en route to their sixth playoff win in seven games. The 'Canes back is not yet broken, but I'm guessing that their chiropractor has been notified.

So, check out the replay on Malkin's sickness, if you're in the rare group of hermits who haven't seen it already. This image will be in Cam Ward's nightmares for the next, oh, 30 or so years...

And We're Off

So if last night's Eastern Conference Finals' opener was any indicator of things to come, we might as well all re-stock our Rogaine, double up on our blood pressure meds, and get that cardiologist on speed dial, because this is going to be some high tension hockey. Game One was everything a Stanley Cup playoff game should be, with plenty of drama, and the longest 86 seconds in recent memory.

Although the Pens and the 'Canes come in to this series as the two hottest teams in the NHL since mid-February, the similarities pale there. The Penguins are clearly an emerging team, talent laden with added playoff depth, a team that is getting stronger with each series. The 'Canes are a team that is living on the edge, playing desperate, yet fundamentally sound and focused hockey. I'm certainly not saying that Carolina is anywhere close to rolling up the tents, but I truly believe that the thoroughbred in the stable wears black and gold.

Should the Pens arrive with their A game on Thursday, I think we may just begin to see the true delta in the talent levels. With all that being said, netminder Cam Ward, just like his young counterpart, M.A. Fleury, has all the skills and big stage presence to carry a team on his back. As Dan Bylsma wisely stated, "if we're talking about Cam Ward when this thing is over, you'll probably know who won."

Some Quick Hitters:

• All hail Satan, as Miro the Hero notched his first playoff goal of 2009.
• So how many goals do the Penguin defensemen have in the post season? 10?
• Big brother Eric Staal displayed some poor role model qualities and some lousy sportsmanship by sweeping MAF's goal stick away, thus leading to the 'Canes second score. Of course, I would have turned a blind eye had youngster Jordan pulled the same stunt.
• Before Brooks Orpik got busted for a high elbow in the waning moments, the Pens had gone over 120 minutes while yielding only one power play opportunity. That's sound hockey.

Hanging a Ten Spot

In early efforts to woo an offensive outburst out of the Penguins, our very own Battlin' Buccos conducted their own offensive onslaught yesterday, creaming the Colorado Rockies 11-4. The Buccos conjured the ghosts of the old Lumber Company by dropping an impressive 10 runs in the seventh inning. Nate McLouth would spearhead the Bucs' remarkable assault with four RBIs. Zach Duke looked strong once again in gaining his fifth win of the early season.

All focus, however, is now on the men on skates, as the Pens are less the seven hours away from opening puck drop of the Eastern Conference Finals. The odds favor our Flightless Birds, winners of the last four series in which they've held home ice advantage. Let's start the road to five tonight.

Satan Returns from Hell

Now that the clamor is settling on the exploits of Mr. Wheaties box himself, aka, Sidney Crosby, how about a little love for the performances of the Penguins' Eastern European contingency? Geno Malkin, Sergei Gonchar, and Ruslan Fedotenko all have shown enough playoff prowess to bring a little twinkle to the eye of Comrade Lenin. How about everyone's favorite Slovakian, Miro Satan?

Let's face it, anyone named after the universe's greatest hell raiser must have some balls. Sure, the guy's got moxie, but how about the humility? After his disastrous play in the first half of the regular season, we gave Miro a snowball's chance in, yep, you guessed it, hell, to ever see the playoff roster. However, not two months after being released, then re-assigned to Wilkes-Barre (fittingly, Hell on Earth), then a healthy scratch for most of the opening weeks of the playoffs, Satan rose from the bench, like a bat out of Hades, and played some damn good hockey. I understand that the Lucifer cliches are almost used up here, but what the hell? This blog is free anyway.

Hey, Miro, guess I'll see you in hell!

Stuck between the Devil and the deep blue line

Left Handed Larceny

The clip says it all.

Halfway Home

What a glorious sports morning for those whose shrines are adorned in the Black and Gold. The Pittsburgh Penguins advance to the Eastern Conference Finals for the second straight season by demolishing the upstart Washington Capitals with a 6-2 margin. For those that missed the game, let me add that the lopsided score wasn't nearly indicative of how over matched and outplayed the Caps were.

For anyone who doubted just who the best player in the series, and in the NHL for that matter, is, well, it's pretty clear now. He wears an 87, and more importantly a "C". Sid Crosby was everything that a Conn Smythe candidate should be last night, as he spearheaded an early wave of high tempo/high skill hockey that was simply too much of a good thing for the Red Wave.

Although Crosby led an assault that any infantry general would be proud of, the signature play of the game (and series), was the highlight reel worthy snare that MAF pulled against Alex Ovechkin on a breakaway early in the contest. That save was the first puff of gas released from what became a rapidly deflating balloon, otherwise known as the Capitals' effort.

In the end, the true hero was coach Dan Bylsma, who simply had his team more focused and more determined for the supposedly epic struggle on enemy grounds. The Penguins' early onslaught not only silenced the hostile mob of red clad faithful, it actually stunned them. Just like the series clincher against the Flyers, Bylsma inspired his soldiers to play like killers, and the results were impressive. The fact that his team played at such a high tempo in an emotionally charged Game 7, without committing a single penalty, is a true statement to the poise that was displayed both on the ice and behind the bench.

It's truly amazing that in three short months Bylsma has steered this once floundering vessel from the purgatory of a missed playoffs to the warm waters of the final four.

El Duke-Ay

For fear of inspiring any jinx in any form, I am reserving any postings on the Pens until tomorrow morning. That leaves me with the only Pittsburgh team that has won a game in the last 72 hours, the Battlin' Buccos.

Some quick props to Z Duke for another masterful gem on the hill last night to FINALLY end the seemingly endless losing streak. Oddly, this is the second flattering post on Duke in the spring from a writer whom has become a fairly harsh critic of the inconsistent lefty. Once again, quality starts = wins. It's that simple.

Cue Fred Claus...

Thank Fred Claus

So the Penguins now push the issue, and are a singular win away from the conference finals. Who is most deserving of my praise: Sid the Kid, Geno, MAF, Jordan Staal...how about the writers' and director of Fred Claus, the charming family comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti? "WTF??" you ask. Let me explain...

I had just told MP that the Pens are undefeated (2-0) in playoff games this year that I didn't watch. His response was for me to miss more games. Well, on Saturday night, as the game was deadlocked at 1-1 and my fingernail lengths getting desperately low, I started channeling my remote, seeking a suitable distraction. Being a Verizon FiOS subscriber, I get about 600 movie channels, basically enough choices to view every mediocre movie ever made at any moment. Ask any FiOS customer how many Brendan Fraser movies they've seen...the list is endless. You need Stephen Seagal fucking up a small legion of Asian mobsters with cool 80's hairdos at 4:00 am on a Tuesday? FiOS has that, both in high definition and old school digital. Of course, one can always turn his focus towards the selections that cost $14.99 and require proof of age, but once again, that is a conversation for a different audience.

Well, anyway, I stumbled upon Fred Claus, and started toggling between this B movie and the game. Alas, every time I was on Fred Claus, the Pens scored. Every time I was locked into the game, Alex Ovechkin scored (he is the only Capital that scores, right?). This would continue into overtime, and just when Fred was about to save the world from the abyss of a cancelled Christmas, Geno Malkin equalled the heroism by delivering a gift of his own...a victory.

Needless to say, my assistant will be making the trip to Blockbuster Video today, for the purchase of one copy of Fred Claus (previously viewed, I hope).

The ornery Vaughn is my #1 Star for Saturday Night

Letang Rang

In my humble opinion, most every word that ends in "tang" is a good word. There's "mustang", the name of a cool horse and probably the most legendary sports car in American history, there's "Wutang", synonymous with the great 90's counter culture urban act Wutang Clan, and of course, there's "poontang", a word that strikes serious relevance with most, if not all, of my readers. Well, now we can add "Letang", as in, Kris Letang, Penguins' blue liner and reigning sportsman of the hour in the 'Burgh.

Letang's long distance game winner in OT last night, not only rescued the Flightless Birds from a potential sweep, but restored the waning confidence in both team and city. Overtime game winners of that length are generally reserved for the foot of Jeff Reed, but Letang dialed in a missile that will long be remembered. Hopefully, this is the pivotal play that the Pens need to rally in this series.

Let's also point out last night's re-emergence of Geno Malkin, who turned in an epic performance in the critical contest. Expect the Black and Gold machine to be humming on all cylinders come Friday night.

king for the next 48 hours

Frustrated

Mr. Orpik, PLEASE handle this...

What a shitty night for the good guys last night, as both the Penguins and the Buccos laid major eggs in stinging defeats. The similarities end there, however, as the Pens are finding themselves in unfamiliar grounds, down 2-0 in a series, while the Bucs move home to the friendly comforts of sub .500 life.

For the Penguins, just the thought of public asshole #1, Alex Ovechkin triumphing with such gusto is enough to send the meekest family man downtown in the back of a police cruiser.

For the Bucs, just the idea of losing 16 consecutive times to any team, let alone the Brew Crew, is more than enough to ruin my day.

Oh, and to top it all off, the Steelers officially announced the cutting of Larry Foote. At this point, the only news left to come out of the 'Burgh as that Big Ben is a cross dresser...

Happy friggin' 40th, MP!!