When In Doubt, Just Do As The Buccos Do

Garnering fan scrutiny is no longer the only similarity between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the newly hapless Pittsburgh Penguins, as the latter have now delved into the former's practice of collecting recent first round castoffs.  The Pens broke ground in the dumpster diving business this afternoon by inking former Carolina prospect Zach Boychuk.  With the expectation of being inserted into the team's regular lineup this weekend, perhaps Boychuk will be the missing piece to the Pens' perplexing puzzle of puny scoring. 

For those out there (A Dawg) who covet and clamor for size, you'll be disappointed to learn that the scrawny Boychuk tapes out at 5'10" and a buck eighty on the scales.  This move seems senseless on paper, but who knows, maybe Boychuk will be the Shrimp that Saved Pittsburgh.  (if you don't get the reference, please google Pittsburgh Pisces)

The fact that Carolina was willing to give up on a 23 year old, while generating no trade interest, isn't a strong endorsement for the scrappy forward.  More to follow on this and other Penguins drama in the next installment of As the Ice Melts...

From Hot Start To Hot Mess

As if us black and gold backers didn't have enough misery on our plates already this week, as we wait to see either the San Francisco 49ers hoisting Lombardi #6 or to witness Reverend Ray Lewis, deer antler balm and all, crying and hugging, and just basically making us all sick.  Now we get to swallow another spoonful of sourness as our flightless birds lose again, dropping their record to 3-3 at the 1/8 mark of the shortened season.

A week ago finding the financial plan for keeping the remaining two-thirds of the once legendary Crosby-Malkin-Staal Show intact beyond next season was the primary concern amongst the patrons of Penguin Nation.  Now, it's not even on the radar.  Convincing the most offensively gifted team in hockey that one goal a night ain't getting it done would be my top priority if I stood behind that All Star laden and well paid bench. 

Perhaps six games is a bit early to pass out grades, but has anyone signed on expecting a Sid and Geno led team with a .500 record?  Maybe Disco Dan Bylsma has a few more dance steps in his repertoire, but given the urgency surrounding this team and this season, he had better do that hustle pretty darn quick.  Just ask Michel Therrien about his former boss's patience when it comes to underachievement...

Hot Start On Ice

Two games, four points, and the sprint is underway.  You couldn't ask for a better belated opening to the Penguins' 2012-13 season than two divisional wins on the road against rivals both expected to have life come mid May.  After a thrilling 3-1 victory over reigning boogeymen, aka the Philadelphia Flyers, our flightless birds completed the long awaited opening weekend with a drubbing of the New York Rangers, 6-3.  If these first two games are any indication of things to come, the Pens should  instantly be considered favorites for the President's Cup, awarded to the team with the best regular season record.

The measurables are quite impressive in this initial 1/24 of the compressed season.  The Pens have yet to trail in a contest, and they've played with the lead in over 100 of the first 120 logged minutes.  Newcomer Brandon Sutter may not have us forget Jordan Staal just yet, but his play through the first weekend shows that he'll be a great addition in the third center spot. 

The Penguins' roster is displaying an abundance of speed and physicality, and both attributes should come in handy when the grind of the compressed schedule kicks in.  Reserve goalie, Tomas Vocoun, acquired to add a 1A netminder behind Marc Andre Fleury, also looks like money well spent by the front office.  Vocoun could prove critical in reducing MAFs' load throughout the regular season.

QUICK HITTERS:

• Nine goals in two games, with none scored by studs Crosby or Malkin.
• The reduced schedule may present a bit of bittersweet chagrin to winger James Neal, who already looks like a 50+ goal scorer during a full season. 
• Penalty killing looking good so far.
• Despite the endless "Fleury" chants of the moronic Philadelphia natives, MAF looks like his hard drive has purged any residual data from last April.  His third period poise in the opener was vintage Flower.

A Great Day for Hockey

What a glorious morning! Break out those vintage "City of Champions" tee-shirts, crank up the old Sister Sledge records, and pour yourself a frosty I.C. Lite (the beer drinker's beer), because your Penguins just refused to be outdone by your Steelers! Now, your Pirates...well, that's another story...

Check out this congratulatory article written by a Cleveland blogger, and then the civil unrest he inspired with his readers. If you feel spoiled as a Pittsburgh fan, you should. The last five months in our sports lives have been nothing short of incredible. And don't sweat those Buccos...as Meatloaf soulfully crooned, "Two outa three ain't bad".

QUICK HITTERS:

• Kudos to me for calling Mad Max last night. Let's face it, though, predicting Max coming up big on a big stage is like forecasting that MP will be piss drunk by 9 pm on any given night. No real stretch.


• Mario still looking dapper, now hoisting the cup in his Armani suit! I still say that the NHL should require that all owners appear in at least one playoff game. Think we'd have the upper hand?


• What more can be said about talisman extraordinaire, MA Fleury. Just six days after being chased off the ice, he responds with Roy-esque dominance while staving off elimination in consecutive games. Well done, Flower. You were my choice for the Conn Smythe.


• Rumor has it that the NHL front office guys are considering re-naming the dinky runner up trophy the "Marian Hossa Cup" (picture below). Hey, Marian where is that $34 million you scorned?? Oh, yeah, I forgot, in Mario's wallet...which he now keeps on his desk next to the Stanley Cup!

The Hossa Cup will be awarded to runners-up, losers, and douche bags

A Date with Destiny

Perhaps it was the NHL equivalent of Larry Fitzgerald's dramatic (and for some, sickening) sprint to the endzone in the fourth quarter of Superbowl 43. Perhaps it was just prevention of an enemy's celebration on the home battleground. Perhaps it was just a strong individual effort from a guy who has been enduring a turbulent ride of highs and lows over the last 8 weeks.

However you need to qualify or quantify the Penguins' epic performance in last night's Game 6, the end result is all the same: series tied, dramatic Game 7 looming. Kudos to M. A. Fleury for ridding his heart and mind of the embarrassing thumping he took on Game 5. A goalie is like an accountant, when he's doing his job, you aren't thinking about him all that much. Fleury quickly re-established his teammates' (and more importantly, his own) confidence in his ability to slam the door, and by doing so, he's afforded himself one last shot at redemption in his own personal House of Pain, aka, Joe Louis Arena. Oh, and for the record, let's hope that our spry netminder doesn't require the assistance of Rob Scuderi's left skate on Friday!

Quick Hitters:

• Kudos to MP for calling the goal from Tyler Kennedy of Whoville.
• Is it just me, or does it seem like Fleury needs to fall and/or lose his stick at least once every night?
• A quick nod to defensemen Gill and Orpik for stepping up and playing sound and solid defense.
• Another shout to "interim" coach Danny Bylsma for once again instilling the confidence in his boys to play like killers.

Brooks Orpik demonstrates the classic glove-to-the-face defense, as seen on early Three Stooges films

Game On!

My texting happy niece would sum it up with three simple keystrokes...OMG. The voice on that really cool Vs. commercial would say it like this, "and don't be surprised if the little guy just decides to take a pass on yelling 'uncle', and now we got ourselves a game." Finally, to repeat myself from two mornings earlier: David just got a little taller, and Goliath just got a little smaller.

However you want to sum up the Pittsburgh Penguins memorable victory in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals is your business, but get Lord Stanley on the horn and tell him to order extra beer. The denial is now over. This is now a series. This is no longer the favorite vs. the underdog, the champion vs. the challenger, the veteran vs. the youth, or the confident vs. the frightened, this is now the tired vs. the emerging.

The Penguins are rallying in this series by living on both sides of blue. WTF??, you ask. I'm talking about blending highlight reel antics from the blue chippers with gritty, desperate efforts from the blue collars. The efforts are running deep with the skaters, and MA Fleury, well, he's been what a Stanley Cup hoisting netminder should be.

Enjoy your coffee with this little YouTube clip of a really big 67 seconds in Pittsburgh lore...

We're just Mad about Max

Just call it getting it done. Marc Andre Fleury finally buckling down and making the saves that needed to be made, - getting it done. Captain Sid Crosby elevating his game, and by extension, his team, - getting it done. Matt Cooke showing his blue collar mates how to play relentlessly and desperately in a critical game, - getting it done. Last, and certainly not least, Max Talbot doing what Max Talbot does best, scoring the huge goal, - getting it done (twice).

The Pittsburgh Penguins restored a lot of respect and an equal portion of faith in their amazing spring story by notching a colossal win over the Detroit Red Wings last night at the Igloo in the pivotal Game Three of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. David just got a little taller and Goliath just got a little smaller as our Flightless Birds have pulled within one home win of tying this series.

What more can be said about Mr. Talbot? A Dawg, PittsburghFan's local hockey expert, said it best last week, "Max may not score a lot of goals, but he scores BIG goals." Well said.

Quick Hitters:

• HBO ran Fred Claus at 8 pm last night. Karma? At this point, I can only watch the movie because super hottie Rachel Weisz renews my passion for busty British chicks.


• How about Candyman Brooks Orpik showing faggy Darren Helm (as he already did with Marian Hossa) how to execute the old fashioned asscheek Zamboni with his brutal neutral zone smackdown?


• Can anybody please tell Ed Olczyk that it's ok to not hate his former employers anymore? Ed, just let it go...

Swept Away

The Big Black Machine, aka, the 2009 Pittsburgh Penguins, has just rolled over another speed bump en route to a return to the NHL Stanley Cup Finals by dispatching the clearly overmatched Hurricanes in four games. Despite the late drama in Game 1, the 'Canes just weren't in the same class as our Flightless Birds, who outscored the Tar Heels on Skates 17-7 over the final three games.

Kudos to the entire organization for resurrecting a team that most "experts" had written off as dead in mid-February. Now the boys in black and gold can rest the legs and await their opponent.

coming soon to a HDTV near your

Cam Shafted

Did anyone get the license plate number on that turbo charged Zamboni that steamrolled Hurricanes Nation last night? I'll take a stab and say the plate read "87-71". Superheroes extraordinaire, Crosby and Malkin, continue to play as the NHL's most dominant duo since a couple of black and gold clad guys named Lemieux and Jagr, as the Pens demolish the 'Canes 6-2 in Carolina.

The talks of all-world goaltender, Cam Ward, rescuing his team from the black death are slowly fading away, as the Pens' offensive juggernaut has lit the lamp an amazing 13 times in the last two games. All said, the Penguins are now sprinting towards the conference finish line, winning seven out of their last eight games, with three of the last four being complete blowouts.

The Wonder Twins attempt to explain their super powers

Memorial Performance

So, kudos to MP for playing a little Nostradamus and correctly predicting that Chris Kunitz would light the lamp last night. The only scoring slump longer than Kunitz's is my own (with the ladies), but I'm certain that MP's crystal ball has no insight in that...

Anyway, what a night for the home team. Our boys in black rolled the offense en route to their sixth playoff win in seven games. The 'Canes back is not yet broken, but I'm guessing that their chiropractor has been notified.

So, check out the replay on Malkin's sickness, if you're in the rare group of hermits who haven't seen it already. This image will be in Cam Ward's nightmares for the next, oh, 30 or so years...

And We're Off

So if last night's Eastern Conference Finals' opener was any indicator of things to come, we might as well all re-stock our Rogaine, double up on our blood pressure meds, and get that cardiologist on speed dial, because this is going to be some high tension hockey. Game One was everything a Stanley Cup playoff game should be, with plenty of drama, and the longest 86 seconds in recent memory.

Although the Pens and the 'Canes come in to this series as the two hottest teams in the NHL since mid-February, the similarities pale there. The Penguins are clearly an emerging team, talent laden with added playoff depth, a team that is getting stronger with each series. The 'Canes are a team that is living on the edge, playing desperate, yet fundamentally sound and focused hockey. I'm certainly not saying that Carolina is anywhere close to rolling up the tents, but I truly believe that the thoroughbred in the stable wears black and gold.

Should the Pens arrive with their A game on Thursday, I think we may just begin to see the true delta in the talent levels. With all that being said, netminder Cam Ward, just like his young counterpart, M.A. Fleury, has all the skills and big stage presence to carry a team on his back. As Dan Bylsma wisely stated, "if we're talking about Cam Ward when this thing is over, you'll probably know who won."

Some Quick Hitters:

• All hail Satan, as Miro the Hero notched his first playoff goal of 2009.
• So how many goals do the Penguin defensemen have in the post season? 10?
• Big brother Eric Staal displayed some poor role model qualities and some lousy sportsmanship by sweeping MAF's goal stick away, thus leading to the 'Canes second score. Of course, I would have turned a blind eye had youngster Jordan pulled the same stunt.
• Before Brooks Orpik got busted for a high elbow in the waning moments, the Pens had gone over 120 minutes while yielding only one power play opportunity. That's sound hockey.

Hanging a Ten Spot

In early efforts to woo an offensive outburst out of the Penguins, our very own Battlin' Buccos conducted their own offensive onslaught yesterday, creaming the Colorado Rockies 11-4. The Buccos conjured the ghosts of the old Lumber Company by dropping an impressive 10 runs in the seventh inning. Nate McLouth would spearhead the Bucs' remarkable assault with four RBIs. Zach Duke looked strong once again in gaining his fifth win of the early season.

All focus, however, is now on the men on skates, as the Pens are less the seven hours away from opening puck drop of the Eastern Conference Finals. The odds favor our Flightless Birds, winners of the last four series in which they've held home ice advantage. Let's start the road to five tonight.

Satan Returns from Hell

Now that the clamor is settling on the exploits of Mr. Wheaties box himself, aka, Sidney Crosby, how about a little love for the performances of the Penguins' Eastern European contingency? Geno Malkin, Sergei Gonchar, and Ruslan Fedotenko all have shown enough playoff prowess to bring a little twinkle to the eye of Comrade Lenin. How about everyone's favorite Slovakian, Miro Satan?

Let's face it, anyone named after the universe's greatest hell raiser must have some balls. Sure, the guy's got moxie, but how about the humility? After his disastrous play in the first half of the regular season, we gave Miro a snowball's chance in, yep, you guessed it, hell, to ever see the playoff roster. However, not two months after being released, then re-assigned to Wilkes-Barre (fittingly, Hell on Earth), then a healthy scratch for most of the opening weeks of the playoffs, Satan rose from the bench, like a bat out of Hades, and played some damn good hockey. I understand that the Lucifer cliches are almost used up here, but what the hell? This blog is free anyway.

Hey, Miro, guess I'll see you in hell!

Stuck between the Devil and the deep blue line

Halfway Home

What a glorious sports morning for those whose shrines are adorned in the Black and Gold. The Pittsburgh Penguins advance to the Eastern Conference Finals for the second straight season by demolishing the upstart Washington Capitals with a 6-2 margin. For those that missed the game, let me add that the lopsided score wasn't nearly indicative of how over matched and outplayed the Caps were.

For anyone who doubted just who the best player in the series, and in the NHL for that matter, is, well, it's pretty clear now. He wears an 87, and more importantly a "C". Sid Crosby was everything that a Conn Smythe candidate should be last night, as he spearheaded an early wave of high tempo/high skill hockey that was simply too much of a good thing for the Red Wave.

Although Crosby led an assault that any infantry general would be proud of, the signature play of the game (and series), was the highlight reel worthy snare that MAF pulled against Alex Ovechkin on a breakaway early in the contest. That save was the first puff of gas released from what became a rapidly deflating balloon, otherwise known as the Capitals' effort.

In the end, the true hero was coach Dan Bylsma, who simply had his team more focused and more determined for the supposedly epic struggle on enemy grounds. The Penguins' early onslaught not only silenced the hostile mob of red clad faithful, it actually stunned them. Just like the series clincher against the Flyers, Bylsma inspired his soldiers to play like killers, and the results were impressive. The fact that his team played at such a high tempo in an emotionally charged Game 7, without committing a single penalty, is a true statement to the poise that was displayed both on the ice and behind the bench.

It's truly amazing that in three short months Bylsma has steered this once floundering vessel from the purgatory of a missed playoffs to the warm waters of the final four.

Thank Fred Claus

So the Penguins now push the issue, and are a singular win away from the conference finals. Who is most deserving of my praise: Sid the Kid, Geno, MAF, Jordan Staal...how about the writers' and director of Fred Claus, the charming family comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti? "WTF??" you ask. Let me explain...

I had just told MP that the Pens are undefeated (2-0) in playoff games this year that I didn't watch. His response was for me to miss more games. Well, on Saturday night, as the game was deadlocked at 1-1 and my fingernail lengths getting desperately low, I started channeling my remote, seeking a suitable distraction. Being a Verizon FiOS subscriber, I get about 600 movie channels, basically enough choices to view every mediocre movie ever made at any moment. Ask any FiOS customer how many Brendan Fraser movies they've seen...the list is endless. You need Stephen Seagal fucking up a small legion of Asian mobsters with cool 80's hairdos at 4:00 am on a Tuesday? FiOS has that, both in high definition and old school digital. Of course, one can always turn his focus towards the selections that cost $14.99 and require proof of age, but once again, that is a conversation for a different audience.

Well, anyway, I stumbled upon Fred Claus, and started toggling between this B movie and the game. Alas, every time I was on Fred Claus, the Pens scored. Every time I was locked into the game, Alex Ovechkin scored (he is the only Capital that scores, right?). This would continue into overtime, and just when Fred was about to save the world from the abyss of a cancelled Christmas, Geno Malkin equalled the heroism by delivering a gift of his own...a victory.

Needless to say, my assistant will be making the trip to Blockbuster Video today, for the purchase of one copy of Fred Claus (previously viewed, I hope).

The ornery Vaughn is my #1 Star for Saturday Night

Letang Rang

In my humble opinion, most every word that ends in "tang" is a good word. There's "mustang", the name of a cool horse and probably the most legendary sports car in American history, there's "Wutang", synonymous with the great 90's counter culture urban act Wutang Clan, and of course, there's "poontang", a word that strikes serious relevance with most, if not all, of my readers. Well, now we can add "Letang", as in, Kris Letang, Penguins' blue liner and reigning sportsman of the hour in the 'Burgh.

Letang's long distance game winner in OT last night, not only rescued the Flightless Birds from a potential sweep, but restored the waning confidence in both team and city. Overtime game winners of that length are generally reserved for the foot of Jeff Reed, but Letang dialed in a missile that will long be remembered. Hopefully, this is the pivotal play that the Pens need to rally in this series.

Let's also point out last night's re-emergence of Geno Malkin, who turned in an epic performance in the critical contest. Expect the Black and Gold machine to be humming on all cylinders come Friday night.

king for the next 48 hours

Frustrated

Mr. Orpik, PLEASE handle this...

What a shitty night for the good guys last night, as both the Penguins and the Buccos laid major eggs in stinging defeats. The similarities end there, however, as the Pens are finding themselves in unfamiliar grounds, down 2-0 in a series, while the Bucs move home to the friendly comforts of sub .500 life.

For the Penguins, just the thought of public asshole #1, Alex Ovechkin triumphing with such gusto is enough to send the meekest family man downtown in the back of a police cruiser.

For the Bucs, just the idea of losing 16 consecutive times to any team, let alone the Brew Crew, is more than enough to ruin my day.

Oh, and to top it all off, the Steelers officially announced the cutting of Larry Foote. At this point, the only news left to come out of the 'Burgh as that Big Ben is a cross dresser...

Happy friggin' 40th, MP!!

Black (and Gold) Monday

Wow! What a sports weekend for the Western PA guys! Starting with the Penguins' fashionable and memorable rally to sink the NHL's version of the Titanic (the Flyers), then a deep and potentially excellent draft by the Steelers, and last, and least,...will someone please break up the Buccos?!? More in depth analysis on all three pistons of this highly tuned Steel City engine to follow. For now, just enjoy your coffee with some of my award winning quick hitters:

• What is up with Adam LaRoche? The sloth who warms to spring in glacial slowness, is already clocking a .621 slugging with 5 dingers and 14 RBIs. Oh yeah, it's a contract year.
• The Bucs' starting rotation continues to be the spring story in PNC Park. With 12 quality starts in 18 games, this rotation is quietly sitting as MLB's best.
• The Third Round of yesterday's draft will be the tell-tale litmus as to how the 2009 draft will be remembered. Watch this guard Urbik challenge to start in his rookie season.
• A.Q. Shipley in the 7th round??!! Hell, yeah! Again, you heard it here first, watch Shipley not only make this team, but eventually earn a starting job. (maybe by 2011)
• So, although I totally missed the Pens game (laugh it up, Ad Rock) I need to jot something here. Readers, please fill up the comments section with clear recounts of just how good it felt to end the Flyers season (again) in such a triumphant fashion.

Ode to the Candyman

On a bright and sunny morning, when every sports writer in Pennsylvania is praising (or lamenting - based on his or her zip code) the remarkable efforts of netmider Marc-Andre Fleury, I will take another route and focus on one of the unsung heroes in the series.

Today's post is dedicated to the staunch presence of the Black and Gold clad blue line bully, Mr. Brooks Orpik. In the wise and often timely words of Penguins orator, Mike Lange, Mr. Orpik is just sending out checks like it's the first of the month. It's not often that the physical Flyers get outhit in a series, and it's even less frequent when their fan base and media guys admit to it, but the buzz on Broad Street these days is that the Pens are both the more talented and more physical team. For those that have watched any of this series, it all starts with #44, as his signature squashings have given the Penguins the moxy that they need to back their swagger.

Danny Briere enjoying a little candy.

Flyers Lay Egg on Easter

The Easter Bunny donned some orange and black yesterday and dropped a shiny gift that we call home ice into the Penguins' baskets. The Flyers blew a late lead in an eventual loss yesterday; a loss that handed the Pens the fourth seed in the East, and thus, home ice in the opening round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

The Pens roll into the playoffs as the second best favorite to win it all, at 15:2 per Las Vegas. I would know these things because I just returned home from Sin City yesterday (those stories are available in a different blog!)

The second season opens on Wednesday in Mellon Arena. LET'S GO PENS!!!!!!!!!!!