Mid Season Report Cards

As a sports fan you are forced to endure a lot of crap thrown at you by the media. You get analysis, interviews, exposes, more analysis, fantasy stuff, sports medicine reports, police blotters, and even more analysis. You also get report cards, lots and lots of report cards... mid season, 1st quarter, Monday morning, etc.

The best thing about sports report cards is that you almost never agree with the asshole that did the scoring. Thus, you got conflict, and that makes for good sports journalism. Since this blog now ratifies me as an esteemed member of the media, I too am qualified to judge and score the performances of others more gifted than myself. So, with no further ado, allow me to bring you the...

PittsburghFan 2007 Pirates' Mid Term Report Card


Ms. Sandra has some low marks for some bad students

Like nearly everything I do, I overthought this thing to death. What format should I use? Should I rate offense, then defense, then pitching??? How do I break out relief pitching?? It took me some time, but I finally came up with the end all, beat all format. I decided to break the team into the following categories: infielders, outfielders, starting pitching, relief pitching, bench, coaching, and front office. Real genius, right?

INFIELDERS: Do you remember when Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo were going to be the second coming of Tim Foli and Phil Garner? The middle infield of the future? The rock that would stabilize our infield, snatching grounders, spinning doubleplays, and slapping the occasional double into the right field power alley? Well that ship has sailed, and quite possibly, sunk. Both hackers are now liabilities; consistently inconsistent, and general pains in the ass. Jose Bautista has been a pleasant surprise, generating some spark at the top of an otherwise slothlike order, while playing some slick glove at the hot corner. Could he hit more homers...YES. Freddy Sanchez's big break out year may have been a one time thing, but he is still a steady .300 guy with low strikeouts and some versatility in the field. Ad LaRoche...well, they say he's a second half guy. Ronny Paulino has been a huge disappointment, if not a ghost. Ryan Doumitt has hit well enough to take his job, but he's a stiff behind the plates, as the staff's e.r.a. hovers around 13 when he catches.

FINAL WORD: Bautista and Sanchez, and an occasional LaRoche RBI keep this group above water.

GRADE: B-

OUTFIELDERS: "where have you gone Jason Bay?" Isn't that a lyric in a Simon and Garfunkel song? Bay's 2007 disappearing act would make the late Harry Houdini green with envy. At press time, I think Bay's average is languishing around .256, his power numbers even worse, and his strikeouts have been mind boggling. Consider this feat, Bay's 12 homers are offset by 78 strikeouts. That may be the worst K/HR ratio of any 'slugger' in baseball. Oh, and in case we should all forget, J-Bay is the cornerstone of our proud franchise. He's got some RBI's, but his clutch situation numbers are abysmal. Bay's 2007 first half numbers have inspired this writer to dub him "the likeable Pat Burrell". (Phils fans will get that.) X Man Nady and Ryan Doumitt have kept this group in it. Both have overachieved. Chris Duffy is mid cycle through his perennial bad half/good half thing. Nate McLouth should be delivering pizza out of a 1984 Pinto.

FINAL WORD: Bay had better find himself and quick.

GRADE: C+

STARTING PITCHERS: This one is a head scratcher. I guess this is one of those all-or-nothing deals. Gorzo and Snell make one helluva formidable 1-2 punch. Both are All Star caliber, and their consistency is remarkable, given their youthful age. Then the proverbial other shoe falls. The balance of the staff is a nightmarish collection of junk arms. Ok, ok, Paul Maholm shows decent potential as a three type guy, but Zach Duke, our opening day gun, has become a cure-all for any slumping hitter. Opponents are rocking him to a tune of .364, that's not even acceptable in tee-ball. The acquisition of journeyman Tony Armas, Jr. is another blunder in a long, never ending series of blunders by the current regime. He is so unreliable that he now only appears in lopsided losses or in various marketing ploys.






The always thrifty Pirate ownership farm Armas out to the Federal Street Grille in between mop up outings.

FINAL WORD: Outside of Gorzo and Snell, the Bucs are averaging a quality start roughly every four games. That's not enough to consistently win games.

GRADE: C-

RELIEF PTCHING: Another headache. These guys were pretty dominant in '06, but their collective spring was a bumpy ride. The whole Salomon Torres blown save/blown ego/blown arm saga is becoming a distraction. When you blow a series of saves, and your team loses confidence in you, you are going to lose your job. That's baseball, get over it. Matt Capps has been one of my favorite Bucs for the last couple years, and I think he'll be a stud in time. Damaso Marte is one of the best lefty relievers in the bigs this year, and Shawn Chacon has made fair contributions. Jonah Bayless is the pitching version of Nate McLouth, another guy with miserable stats and no creditable improvement, for which no one can explain why he is on the team. Nate could use a wing man on the pizza deliveries. I don't even want to address the Asian dude. Leave it to the Pirates to miss the boat on the whole Japanese boom, then ten years later, grab some 40 something guy with less surprises than a Godzilla flick.

FINAL WORD: Capps, Chacon, and Marte are finding a rythm. Expect steadiness from this group in the 2nd half.

GRADE: C+

BENCH: This subject is like my 5 year old nephew's knock-knock jokes. I really don't want to laugh, but I still do. This is the weakest area on the team, period. The previously mentioned (and derided) Nate McLouth, Rajai Davis, umm, oh yeah, Jose Castillo and a few others fill up the short bus that we call the bench. This bunch offers little versatility, with less power and even less speed. Occasionally, the front office recalls Brad Eldred's fat ass just to remind us what a big dumb white guy looks like striking out, just in case we miraculously forgot.
Another big swing and a-miss for Mount Eldred

FINAL WORD: Adding Josh Phelps is a start. Still, it seems that every Pirate reserve is a righty with mediocre power and no glove.

GRADE: D-

COACHING: Jim Tracy has helped me to understand why the Bay area was so hard on George Seifert, despite the win/loss columns. Sometimes the winning percentage is not the tell-tale criteria when courting a skipper. Just ask any Phillies fan about their city's relationship with beleaguered Charlie Manual. My scepticism with Tracy grows every day. His post game comments kill me. Does he really need to constantly harp on about a few pitches that we needed to make after a 9 run pounding? His staff is not helping him at all; baserunning gaffes, fielding break downs, insane overagression at the plate. The fundamentals are lousy from top to bottom, basically a mirror image of the team's product.

Wilson, Sanchez, and Castillo at development camp circa 1986

FINAL WORD: Tracy is the man for a job, just maybe not this job. He comes from a successful system loaded with talent and stocked with cash, and now he manages the Isle of Misfit Toys. The Charlie in the Box gets old quick if you are used to playing with an X-Box.

GRADE: C-

FRONT OFFICE: Every 'Burgher's favorite topic these days. I think it's high time that David Littlefield call a press conference and publicly admit that he's a moron. Then I think it's easier to take. The guy knows very little about talent evaluation and even less about franchise building. His personnel management transgressions have literally launched the empire of Pittsburgh Sports blogging. The fact that the ownership team has stuck with this lightening rod for so long should tell you that winning isn't a priority.

GRADE: D-
Littlefield skipped the recent MLB GM Summer Conference. Instead, he attended this workshop to refine his zone defense.

OVERALL TEAM GRADE: C-

I know I am about to get bombarded with comments for that rating. I'm an optimist, and rest assured, this C- is a fraction better than a D+. The repairs are fairly obvious: find another arm(s) that can add depth to the rotation, somehow get Jason Bay out of hibernation, and hope that Adam LaRoche's 2nd half renaissance holds true once again. Improving Doumitt's defensive skills in order to get his bat in the line up consistently should be a higher priority. Parting ways with either Wilson or Castillo should also be strongly considered.
Ms. Amanda says summer school for these flunkies.