Oh, Those LaRoche Boys

Remember the good ole' days when you only had to worry about one LaRoche in the lineup? Doubling that equation is almost too much to handle. All Things LaRoche is the story probably best suited for reality TV, or even a prime time soap. If it isn't the cold streaks followed by torrid nights, it's the gold glove efforts followed up by evenings of zany fielding gaffes.

At this point in my blogging career, I really have no way to summarize the existence of the LaRoche Brothers. Certainly they are not the Waners, the Dimaggios, or even the Giambis. If Adam was a thoroughbred, he'd be what the race folks refer to as a 'front runner'. In other words, the horse that performs mightily when he's out front and is under no pressure. If Andy were a race horse, well, he'd probably have been put down by now, but hey, the world always needs more glue.

Last night's installment of the LaRoche Chronicles was really no oddity, regardless of how bizarre the box score reads. A slugfest by big brother followed by fielding woes by baby brother. Please pass the Tumms. One can only wonder if 2010 will bring us a third LaRoche.

QUICK HITTERS:

• How about that Zach Duke? The left arm of God has once again logged another quality start. Can you believe that Duke has 25% of the Bucs total wins and is on pace for an 18 win season?


• Andrew McCutchen should already be working on his acceptance speech for the NL Rookie of the Month for June. Next stop, ROY???

Mistake By The River

The greatly ballyhooed and well over hyped turnpike series between the Cleveland Indians and our lovable losers, aka, the Bucs, commenced last evening with a whimper, then a bang, and then another whimper. Sadly, the bang and the second whimper both belonged to MLB's poorest excuse for a cleanup hitter, Mr. Adam LaRoche. Much ado about nothing.

That LaRoche leaves the bases jammed during a rally in the bottom of the ninth is as equally typical as it is inexcusable. We can all banter back and forth regarding organizational philosophies, and what the definitions of words like "now" and "near future" are, but the bottom line here is that situations like last night are games that can be won, and just aren't. Last night's loss has nothing to do with the trade of Nate McLouth, the trade rumors of Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez, or whether the Bucs are serious about latin American superstud, Miguel Sano. It's all about execution. Something that is expected from stars and role players. Ask the guy across town who, like LaRoche, also wears #25 and some facial hair. The similarities end there. You'll probably find him sipping something frothy out of a rather large silver trophy right now. He'll tell you all about execution.

A guy like LaRoche can put up 25 homers and 85 RBI's year after year, but until he starts getting that base hit when the game is on the line, he's just another mope trying to fill up a stat sheet...holding down the cleanup spot on a 70 win team in the process.

Quick Hitters:

• Remember a young, flashy, top of the rotation guy named Ian Snell? Naw, me either. Sadly, the mercurial Snell is probably another bad start or two away from complete obscurity.
• How about Pedro Alvarez getting bumped up to AA Altoona after less than a half season of pro ball? Alvarez will most likely be a September call up when the rosters expand to 40, and he very well may be in a Bucco uni on opening day 2010. Oh crap, and I just bought my Andy LaRoche jersey...

Maxed Out

It's a red letter day for all you Max Starks fans...all 10 of you. The Steelers just announced that Starks will be signed to a long term deal, holding (no pun on the use of that word) him in town through the 2012 season. With Starks being an adequate, at best, offensive tackle, the real victory for the North Shore boys is the cap room the deal will free up for 2009. Since the team was already on the hook for Starks' franchise player tag and the nearly $8 mill in salary that comes along with it, the savings towards this year, under the new deal, may be as much as $4 million. Hopefully, that extra cash may be used in re-upping tight end, Heath Miller.

now that God has sent him the contract, maybe he could send him some skills

A Great Day for a Parade

Another championship game. Another trophy. Another parade. Another entry in the scrapbook of our lives. History continues to develop in this never ending dreamlike year of 2009. Thanks to our very own A Dawg for submitting some cool glimpses of a great day...

Pascal Dupuis showcasing new body art

Mama Malkin eyes a new dispenser for her borst soup

priceless

A Great Day for Hockey

What a glorious morning! Break out those vintage "City of Champions" tee-shirts, crank up the old Sister Sledge records, and pour yourself a frosty I.C. Lite (the beer drinker's beer), because your Penguins just refused to be outdone by your Steelers! Now, your Pirates...well, that's another story...

Check out this congratulatory article written by a Cleveland blogger, and then the civil unrest he inspired with his readers. If you feel spoiled as a Pittsburgh fan, you should. The last five months in our sports lives have been nothing short of incredible. And don't sweat those Buccos...as Meatloaf soulfully crooned, "Two outa three ain't bad".

QUICK HITTERS:

• Kudos to me for calling Mad Max last night. Let's face it, though, predicting Max coming up big on a big stage is like forecasting that MP will be piss drunk by 9 pm on any given night. No real stretch.


• Mario still looking dapper, now hoisting the cup in his Armani suit! I still say that the NHL should require that all owners appear in at least one playoff game. Think we'd have the upper hand?


• What more can be said about talisman extraordinaire, MA Fleury. Just six days after being chased off the ice, he responds with Roy-esque dominance while staving off elimination in consecutive games. Well done, Flower. You were my choice for the Conn Smythe.


• Rumor has it that the NHL front office guys are considering re-naming the dinky runner up trophy the "Marian Hossa Cup" (picture below). Hey, Marian where is that $34 million you scorned?? Oh, yeah, I forgot, in Mario's wallet...which he now keeps on his desk next to the Stanley Cup!

The Hossa Cup will be awarded to runners-up, losers, and douche bags

The Jilted Lover

Have you ever been cheated on? Of course you have. What red blooded American man hasn't had his life destroyed at least once by a conniving bitch? Have you ever been downsized, or dealt with in an unsavory manner by your employer? I'm sure you have. The fact that you're reading this blog during prime business hours tells me that you're probably not a cracker jack worker bee. I'm guessing that your car doesn't spend many days parked in the employee-of-the-month spot.

How does this make you feel? Whether deserved or not, no one likes to feel scorned. Put yourself in the shoes of Buccos pitcher Jeff Karstens. Holding down the fifth spot in the Bucs' rotation all spring, Karstens was served a little notice when the team traded for Braves' prospect, Charlie Morton. In fact, Morton was given the start last night, as Karstens was sent to the bullpen for middle innings, long relief, and mop up duties. In the baseball world, Karstens was handed the classic, "I just want to be friends" line.

Well, as luck would have it, new-guy-in-town, Morton would blow out his hammy after one whole inning. So guess who gets the call to get his hiny loosened up and out to the mound...pronto? You guessed it, the previously scorned Jeff Karstens. I guess that's the equivalence of getting that call from your ex-lady and hearing that she's just discovered that her new man lives with his mom, fantasizes about Hannah Montana, or experiences occasional erectile dysfunction.

In seriousness, some credit needs to go out to Karstens on this one. He jumped on the hill with short notice and pitched 4+ strong innings, propelling the Bucs to victory. All in all, I'm not sure what moral, if any, this story holds. Perhaps Karstens' strong effort was inspired by the feeling of scorn or betrayal. Maybe a little shake up was necessary to motivate the youngster to produce at the major league level. Maybe the Pirates' management will have an interesting problem soon. I just know that in 4 days, it's going to be interesting to see who takes the mound.

Karstens handled his 23 minute demotion to the bullpen with grace and dignity

A Date with Destiny

Perhaps it was the NHL equivalent of Larry Fitzgerald's dramatic (and for some, sickening) sprint to the endzone in the fourth quarter of Superbowl 43. Perhaps it was just prevention of an enemy's celebration on the home battleground. Perhaps it was just a strong individual effort from a guy who has been enduring a turbulent ride of highs and lows over the last 8 weeks.

However you need to qualify or quantify the Penguins' epic performance in last night's Game 6, the end result is all the same: series tied, dramatic Game 7 looming. Kudos to M. A. Fleury for ridding his heart and mind of the embarrassing thumping he took on Game 5. A goalie is like an accountant, when he's doing his job, you aren't thinking about him all that much. Fleury quickly re-established his teammates' (and more importantly, his own) confidence in his ability to slam the door, and by doing so, he's afforded himself one last shot at redemption in his own personal House of Pain, aka, Joe Louis Arena. Oh, and for the record, let's hope that our spry netminder doesn't require the assistance of Rob Scuderi's left skate on Friday!

Quick Hitters:

• Kudos to MP for calling the goal from Tyler Kennedy of Whoville.
• Is it just me, or does it seem like Fleury needs to fall and/or lose his stick at least once every night?
• A quick nod to defensemen Gill and Orpik for stepping up and playing sound and solid defense.
• Another shout to "interim" coach Danny Bylsma for once again instilling the confidence in his boys to play like killers.

Brooks Orpik demonstrates the classic glove-to-the-face defense, as seen on early Three Stooges films